my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
