Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
