I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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