last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
