Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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