the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
