Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
