I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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