ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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