Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
