I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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