did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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