Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
