I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
