She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
