guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Randomize
