Can Purell be used as lube?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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