I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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