You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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