i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
