ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
