could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
