I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize