Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I want a musical about memes.
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