Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
