apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
