we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
