When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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