you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
