I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
