perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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