Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
