I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
