I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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