if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
