We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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