Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
