all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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