is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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