I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
