What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if only i could text you this smell
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
