It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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