I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am one with the molecules
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
