i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
