She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
