I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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