Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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