Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
