question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
