Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
