I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
