Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
