i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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