So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
