If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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