when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
